Catwoman #1,000,000

“Nine Million Lives”

Cover Price: $1.99
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: November 1993

DC Comics hates the obsessive compulsive comic book reader, a fact they’ve show with both their #0 tie-ins to Zero Hour and their #1,000,000 tie-ins to Grant Morrison’s DC One Million crossover event. During the month DC One Million came out, every book in DC’s line was numbered 1,000,000, even if it had no particular reason to tie into the JLA-centric story. Enter Catwoman #1,000,000. When I saw this thing in the quarter bin, I thought I’d struck gold: Jim Balent era Catwoman in the far future, with the ridiculous breasts and (God help me) computer cable dreadlock hair? Sign me up. Sadly, the book was both more ridiculous and less ridiculous than I dreamed. The plot, such as it is, focuses on the Catwoman of the future (I was really hoping to see Selina Kyle unnecessarily thrust into the future, but c’est la vie) trying to break into the future Batcave on Pluto for non-future Batman. For 22 pages, she runs around, fighting weird monsters and thrusting various body parts, but, as campy and titillating as that sounds, it’s all just so rote. There is no fun here or any of the winking of the camera that someone like Amanda Conner pulls off effortlessly, just a strange seriousness about things that I can’t imagine ever caring about. Still, whether I like it or not, someone certainly does, as Balent’s been making a living off this very thing for years now, whether Chris Sims wants him to or not.