Write Your Own Joke

Write your own joke.
You may not use lack of feet or a correlation between the lateness of the comic and the lateness of the game. Show your work.

From Supreme #53

Variant Uncle Scrooge #132

No, you’re not looking at an old post. Today we’re going talk about variant covers and, speaking of which, have you spotted what makes this a variant cover? That’s right, the Whitman logo. Now, normally, variant covers can be kind of cool. More often than not, they sport an exciting new image by an impressive creator. Before the Internet became what it is today, variants seemed like a pretty cool thing and I certainly bought one or two myself just because I liked that cover image. Nowadays, with the Internet the way it is, I can usually pull up that same image without having to pay $25 at my LCS. I can see the image anytime I want and I’m no longer sure what the appeal of having a book just for its cover is. And that’s always been the case of the Whitman variants for me. Internet or no, these comics feature the same cover as the standard issue, but with a Whitman logo in place of DC or Marvel or Gold Key or whatever. Yeah, I guess they’re a little more rare, but, seriously, how much does it improve your life to have two comics in your collection that are exactly the same except for the corner logo, let alone to have to pay a premium for the Whitman one? Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, that logo is pretty cute… I retract my argument entirely!

Awesome Artwork

File under "irony."

From Supreme #53

The Batman Adventures #25

“Super Friends” – Early November 1994

Yep it’s another issue of The Batman Adventures. Aside from the obvious, this was an easy grab: extra long story, bonus pin-ups by the likes of Mignola and Toth, and a guest appearance by Superman that predates his own Dini/Timm animated series. That was the big draw for me. I couldn’t wait to see how Parobeck chose to design the man of steel in the absence of any character models. Honestly, though, the results were a bit underwhelming. You see, instead of a purely Parobeck designed last son of Krypton, what we end up with is heavily influenced by Supes and Lex’s looks in the then current Superman books, meaning a mulleted Superman and a Lex Luthor with long red hair and a beard. This definitely feels like editorial meddling and it’s a shame because the Fliescher style face Parobeck gives Superman (possibly the only design choice the artist was able to make himself) hints at something pretty great. The story itself is alright, playing with the different ways in which Superman and Batman operate, but it’s nothing special and not nearly as good as the average Batman Adventure. Frankly, Superman and his powers just seem out of place in a world that, for 24 issues, was all about (somewhat) regular people. I can see the appeal of putting Superman in this anniversary issue, especially when he had yet to have his animated debut, but I can’t help but wish we’d just had an oversized Batman story.

Supreme #53

“19th Dimensional Nervous Breakdown!” – September 1997

Alan Moore’s Supreme is a metatextual masterpiece. Often overlooked, Supreme sees Moore adopting Rob Liefeld’s Superman analog and crafting a series of memorable mini-epics in which the aesthetics of the Silver Age and the 1990s Superman collide head on. Further, these are not simple “remember when” type stories, nor are they saying “comics used to better.” More often than not Moore is equally affectionate to both eras, providing a sort of constructive deconstruction of the genre that stands in stark opposition to his work on Watchmen and has a lot more in common with Tom Strong, arguably Supreme’s successor series in both tone and, of course, the use of Chris Sprouse’s terrific pencils. This particular issue sees Supreme fighting Omniman, the comic character he draws during his day job as a comics artist. Omniman turns out to be Szazs, the Sprite Supreme, a Mxyzptlk analog who Supreme has to defeat using a copy of the very same comic book we are reading. Meta! Amusingly, Supreme is more annoyed by Szazs than anything, but not for the regular Superman style reasons. “Earth has changed since the sixties,” Supreme shouts at a now giant Szazs. “Nobody finds this kind of stuff funny or appealing anymore.” To me, this reads like a statement of fact. There’s nothing wrong with a sixties Mxyzptlk story, but times have changed and the sort of comics that were great in the sixties just plain don’t work anymore.

Rated M

I remember seeing this ad in comics a lot as a kid for whatever reason and it really creeped me out. Of course, the "Rated M" is a lot more fitting nowadays.

From G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

“Cold Snap” – January 1986

Here we have your random issue of the always pretty good Marvel G.I. Joe comic, which, let’s face it, should totally be called “Cobra.” You see, beneath this pretty cool Lady Jaye cover, are basically two stories: a Joe story and a Cobra story. While the Cobra story is all about Cobra being Cobra, the Joe story is a hopelessly bromantic little melodrama. Three Joes, Stalker, Snow-Job (he he), and Quick-Kick, are returning home from being POWs. The Joes come out in force to welcome them home, even bringing their space shuttle for some reason. They are, of course, crazy excited, except for Outback, who’s all mopey for leaving his bros behind under Stalker’s orders. Stalker and the boys quickly put their PTSD behind them to cheer up Emo Joe and, after much shoulder holding, the bros go out for a frosty Yo-Jo cola. I’m sure this would be more dramatic if I’d been reading the whole series, but whatever. Meanwhile, Dr. Mindbender and the Baroness are working to overcome a change of government and Cobra Commander’s jerky behavior to kick off a plan they’ve been working on for years in some foreign country. Believe it or not, it actually works as some ultralow frequency sonic wave throw the populace into rioting and Cobra celebrates, requiring Cobra Commander to somehow sip champagne through his metal mask. Folks, this just proves once again what I’ve known since puberty: Cobra is much cooler than G.I. Joe. Also, Cobra Commander is hilarious.