“Cold Snap” – January 1986
Here we have your random issue of the always pretty good Marvel G.I. Joe comic, which, let’s face it, should totally be called “Cobra.” You see, beneath this pretty cool Lady Jaye cover, are basically two stories: a Joe story and a Cobra story. While the Cobra story is all about Cobra being Cobra, the Joe story is a hopelessly bromantic little melodrama. Three Joes, Stalker, Snow-Job (he he), and Quick-Kick, are returning home from being POWs. The Joes come out in force to welcome them home, even bringing their space shuttle for some reason. They are, of course, crazy excited, except for Outback, who’s all mopey for leaving his bros behind under Stalker’s orders. Stalker and the boys quickly put their PTSD behind them to cheer up Emo Joe and, after much shoulder holding, the bros go out for a frosty Yo-Jo cola. I’m sure this would be more dramatic if I’d been reading the whole series, but whatever. Meanwhile, Dr. Mindbender and the Baroness are working to overcome a change of government and Cobra Commander’s jerky behavior to kick off a plan they’ve been working on for years in some foreign country. Believe it or not, it actually works as some ultralow frequency sonic wave throw the populace into rioting and Cobra celebrates, requiring Cobra Commander to somehow sip champagne through his metal mask. Folks, this just proves once again what I’ve known since puberty: Cobra is much cooler than G.I. Joe. Also, Cobra Commander is hilarious.
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