Awesome Artwork

File under "irony."

From Supreme #53

The Batman Adventures #25

“Super Friends” – Early November 1994

Yep it’s another issue of The Batman Adventures. Aside from the obvious, this was an easy grab: extra long story, bonus pin-ups by the likes of Mignola and Toth, and a guest appearance by Superman that predates his own Dini/Timm animated series. That was the big draw for me. I couldn’t wait to see how Parobeck chose to design the man of steel in the absence of any character models. Honestly, though, the results were a bit underwhelming. You see, instead of a purely Parobeck designed last son of Krypton, what we end up with is heavily influenced by Supes and Lex’s looks in the then current Superman books, meaning a mulleted Superman and a Lex Luthor with long red hair and a beard. This definitely feels like editorial meddling and it’s a shame because the Fliescher style face Parobeck gives Superman (possibly the only design choice the artist was able to make himself) hints at something pretty great. The story itself is alright, playing with the different ways in which Superman and Batman operate, but it’s nothing special and not nearly as good as the average Batman Adventure. Frankly, Superman and his powers just seem out of place in a world that, for 24 issues, was all about (somewhat) regular people. I can see the appeal of putting Superman in this anniversary issue, especially when he had yet to have his animated debut, but I can’t help but wish we’d just had an oversized Batman story.

Supreme #53

“19th Dimensional Nervous Breakdown!” – September 1997

Alan Moore’s Supreme is a metatextual masterpiece. Often overlooked, Supreme sees Moore adopting Rob Liefeld’s Superman analog and crafting a series of memorable mini-epics in which the aesthetics of the Silver Age and the 1990s Superman collide head on. Further, these are not simple “remember when” type stories, nor are they saying “comics used to better.” More often than not Moore is equally affectionate to both eras, providing a sort of constructive deconstruction of the genre that stands in stark opposition to his work on Watchmen and has a lot more in common with Tom Strong, arguably Supreme’s successor series in both tone and, of course, the use of Chris Sprouse’s terrific pencils. This particular issue sees Supreme fighting Omniman, the comic character he draws during his day job as a comics artist. Omniman turns out to be Szazs, the Sprite Supreme, a Mxyzptlk analog who Supreme has to defeat using a copy of the very same comic book we are reading. Meta! Amusingly, Supreme is more annoyed by Szazs than anything, but not for the regular Superman style reasons. “Earth has changed since the sixties,” Supreme shouts at a now giant Szazs. “Nobody finds this kind of stuff funny or appealing anymore.” To me, this reads like a statement of fact. There’s nothing wrong with a sixties Mxyzptlk story, but times have changed and the sort of comics that were great in the sixties just plain don’t work anymore.

Rated M

I remember seeing this ad in comics a lot as a kid for whatever reason and it really creeped me out. Of course, the "Rated M" is a lot more fitting nowadays.

From G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

“Cold Snap” – January 1986

Here we have your random issue of the always pretty good Marvel G.I. Joe comic, which, let’s face it, should totally be called “Cobra.” You see, beneath this pretty cool Lady Jaye cover, are basically two stories: a Joe story and a Cobra story. While the Cobra story is all about Cobra being Cobra, the Joe story is a hopelessly bromantic little melodrama. Three Joes, Stalker, Snow-Job (he he), and Quick-Kick, are returning home from being POWs. The Joes come out in force to welcome them home, even bringing their space shuttle for some reason. They are, of course, crazy excited, except for Outback, who’s all mopey for leaving his bros behind under Stalker’s orders. Stalker and the boys quickly put their PTSD behind them to cheer up Emo Joe and, after much shoulder holding, the bros go out for a frosty Yo-Jo cola. I’m sure this would be more dramatic if I’d been reading the whole series, but whatever. Meanwhile, Dr. Mindbender and the Baroness are working to overcome a change of government and Cobra Commander’s jerky behavior to kick off a plan they’ve been working on for years in some foreign country. Believe it or not, it actually works as some ultralow frequency sonic wave throw the populace into rioting and Cobra celebrates, requiring Cobra Commander to somehow sip champagne through his metal mask. Folks, this just proves once again what I’ve known since puberty: Cobra is much cooler than G.I. Joe. Also, Cobra Commander is hilarious.

Hey Kids!

Hey kids, just place one of these tabs on the end of your cigarette for hours of fun!

From Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge #132

Guy Gardner: Warrior #29

“It’s My Party and I’ll Fight If I Want To” – March 1995

This may just be the perfect time capsule for the mid-1990s DCU. Thanks to the plot device of Guy throwing a party for the opening of Warriors restaurant, this issue is able to provide a snapshot of nearly every DCU character as they existed during comics’ most controversial era. Just paging through the issue, you get a splash page featuring Kyle Rayner, Steel, and that weird 90s version of Ice, a mulleted Superman complaining about “imposters,” a grumpy, longhaired Aquaman who is actually complaining that no one notices his missing hand, the Blood Pack, that knife carrying version of Doctor Fate called Fate, Atom Smasher in his old Nuklon get up, the extra-grim post Zero Hour Hawkman, the Psyba Rats, and, maybe best of all, Artemis in her Wonder Woman costume arguing with Donna Troy in her Darkstar outfit. And that’s not even mentioning the pure nineties glory that is Guy Gardner: Warrior himself. Plus, you get a gimmick cover (a sort of double gatefold job that serves as “doors” for Warriors and which opens to reveal a secondary cover jam packed with all of the heroes of the DCU), a gratuitous Lobo appearance and fight, gratuitous celebrity cameos by Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone, and a story that is “to be continued” in another title (Action #709). And if that’s not enough reason to check it out, it’s all beautifully penciled by the always terrific Phil Jiminez, who isn’t necessarily a nineties style artist, but who cares?

Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four #36

“Understudy Rumble” – July 2008

It turns out that Marvel Adventures comics are a real hoot and this issue of their Fantastic Four title is no exception. The line is predicated on the idea of having a line of titles that feature one and done stories with no ties to current continuity and which are accessible to an all ages readership. For a lot of readers, that “all ages” banner automatically kills any series from the Adventures line, but they’re forgetting that “all ages” can mean just that: a book that, like The Batman Adventures, is just as enjoyable to young readers as to adults. That in mind, writer Paul Tobin really takes the ball and runs with the idea of the one and done, light continuity FF story, telling stories that read much more like the best of 70s Marvel and less like an FF version of Spidey Super Stories. This particular issue is a real stand out and features Tobin’s talent for telling action packed, character driven plots with interesting twists on comic clichés. Here, a group of college kids gets zapped by a ray which turns them in an evil Anti-Fantastic Four, a take off on the standard Superman Bizarro story. Tobin, however, takes the idea of an opposite FF all the way by giving us a truly ineffectual team that includes a Human Water Spout, an incredibly rigid Anti Mr. Fantastic, a handsome, but weak Thing, and, best of all, the Visible Woman, whose power is to turn “extra visible.”

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From Guy Gardner: Warrior #29 - March 1995

Uncle Scrooge #132

“The Fabulous Philosopher’s Stone” – September 1976

It can be hard to recognize true genius. When I was a lad, Jack Kirby’s art was completely impenetrable to me, but, now, I value his contributions like the king he is. Much of the recognition comes from time and experience. The more comics you read, the more you see how the work of the older guard influenced the new. You begin to see how Kirby built a foundation on which all super-hero comics are based. With someone like Carl Barks, it’s easier to see. A modern reader has to sift through decades of super-hero books to get to Kirby, but there simply aren’t any other comics like Barks’ duck comics. These stories are globe hopping adventure at its best with Scrooge and the boys hopping from one exotic port to another on the hunt for fabulous treasures and artifacts. The stories are skillful, expressive, and hilarious, and rivaled only by classics like Treasure Island and the adventures of Indiana Jones. What’s more, Barks, not content to simply master a genre, does so even while turning the hero archetype on it’s head, casting Scrooge, a character who, on the surface, has all of the characteristics of a good villain, as a protagonist that we can’t help but root for. It’s easy to love brave, selfless Doctor Jones, but greedy, selfish Scrooge? That, my friends, is genius. As for this story, it’s Scrooge in pursuit of the fabled philosopher’s stone, which turns any substance to gold. What more do you want?

Web of Spider-Man #38

“Moving Up” – May 1988

In this exciting issue: Peter Parker gets drunk! Yup. I bring this up mostly because of the hubbub regarding Pete’s inebriation (at a wedding) in a recent issue of Amazing, which, apparently, drove some fans absolutely nuts and led to Marvel claiming in the book’s letters column that Peter wasn’t really drunk at all. He’d been drinking ginger ale the whole time thinking it was champagne and, so, was only psychosomatically drunk because, of course, Spidey would never get drunk. Similar storytelling gymnastics are also used in this issue of Web of Spider-Man. You see, Pete and MJ are throwing a party in their apartment on the eve of moving out. Peter hears Hobgoblin is back and goes off to fight him, but is a little tipsy. But don’t worry, webheads! The punch had been secretly spiked by the landlord’s husband, so Peter didn’t know he was drinking alcohol. After all, as we all know, Peter Parker only ever gets pretend or accidentally drunk and, for some reason, that’s okay. The whole to do over this was because of Spidey’s place as a role model for kids, so he shouldn’t drink. That’s fine. I get that. But what’s the better lesson for kids: “sometimes bad things happen when you drink so be responsible (as Uncle Ben would say)” or “Spidey NEVER DRINKS EVER, unless the writers think it’s funny and can whitewash it later?” We’re a long way from “Demon in a Bottle” here, folks.

Vampirella Flip Book

“Bugs” – October 1994

Vampirella’s costume is designed with one thing in mind: sex appeal. It does its job well and has helped the character endure for 40 years and even helped thrust (no pun intended) her prominently (no pun intended) into the forefront of the nineties bad girl craze. What amuses me the most about her costume, though, is how well it acts as a barometer for the sort of story you’re about to get: the skimpier the costume, the less the creators care about story and the more they care about boobies. Take this issue’s cover by Jim Balent, featuring a dental floss version of Vampirella’s traditional red one-piece that is very much in keeping with the overly sexualized stories and art featured in Balent’s work on Tarot. This cover suggests a nineties era boobs before plot mentality, but the interiors suggest something altogether different. Arthur Adams, who drew our feature, is also well known for rendering sexy, buxom babes, although with highly appealing artistic flair and talent for character acting that rivals Kevin Maguire’s. His Vampirella costume is more modest than Balent’s, actually covering most of her chest and giving her some small dignity. Adams is also a damn fine monster artist and he gets to put all of that on display in this story, which sees Vampi trying to save a group of innocent bug monsters from confused and bloodthirsty townspeople in a Kurt Busiek penned version of the well worn “the monsters are the good guys” horror trope.

Batman: The Scottish Connection

August 1998

In a story that seems like a better fit for the world’s richest duck than for the dark knight detective, Batman travels to Scotland and is quickly embroiled in a vicious, centuries old clan feud where superstition acts as a smoke screen for revenge plot involving the plague virus. The story is honestly kind of a humdrum affair, with an uncomplicated and rather obvious mystery at its center. The villain is not up to the usual standard of Batman rogues and the verdant, rolling landscape feels out of place in a Batman story that doesn’t use that clash to say anything interesting. The best part about the issue, though, is unquestionably the art, an early Batman offering from current fan favorite Frank Quitely. No, it’s no Batman and Robin, but Quitely’s distinct rendering style and gift for action storytelling are already in place, as displayed in a couple of excellently choreographed fight scenes. This book also expertly displays Quitely’s gift for faces. Often times, artists have trouble differentiating one character from another, particularly with background characters, but Quitely always has a way of making each face stand out by employing slightly caricatured, but distinctly human features and imperfections in almost mind numbing detail that also never distracts or overwhelms. He’s almost like the Preston Sturges of the comics page in that regard. Particularly nice is Quitely’s depiction of the story’s romantic interest who, in a near impossibility on the comics page, is beautiful without being crazy comic book hot.

Star Trek: Starfleet Academy #1

“Prime Directives” – December 1996

As you may recall from my review of that Riker comic, this is the series that featured the unnecessarily busty Andorian. Another refugee from Marvel’s short-lived Paramount Comics imprint, Starfleet Academy is pretty clearly an attempt to have a Gen13 series set in the Star Trek universe. Needless to say, it doesn’t really work. Now, it isn’t terrible by any stretch of the imagination and given that it’s a series that co-stars Nog, the annoying Ferengi kid from DS9, that’s really saying something. Basically, it’s series about a group of ragtag cadets, including the latest in the line of Deckers, a Vulcan lady who’s really a Romulan spy, Nog, and, yes, our favorite Andorian and Caitlin Fairchild stand-in, Pava, who totally shows up naked during the issue (as if you weren’t expecting that). There really isn’t a lot else to say about the story. In a way, its surprising (and a bit disappointing) that it isn’t more spectacularly bad. The art, meanwhile, which is serviceable if more than a little in the Image knock-off vain, turns out to be by Chris Renaud, the dude who directed this summer’s Despicable Me. I know. I’m pretty surprised, too, and I find myself wishing he’d done this book in a more cartoony style that would have at least given it more of an identity of it’s own, but, again, Marvel clearly wasn’t as interested in The Star Trek Adventures as much as they were NCC 90210.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #3

“President Batman!” – May 2009

Silver Age craziness abounds in this issue, which sees the caped crusader pose as the President of the United States to stop an assassination. The highlights, and there are many, include, a completely unnecessary guest star role for Green Arrow who spends most of the time posing as a secret service agent without ever removing his mask or Robin Hood hat, two real secret service agents freaking out over handing over control of the country and the military to anyone other than the president, but going ahead with it since it’s Batman, , a white house lawn luau, the best artistic rendering of a dude using a hologram projector to disguise himself as another dude that I have ever seen, and, last but not least, the origin of the Ultra-Humanite. Now, that last bit may not seem like a big deal, particularly in a story where Batman beats up dudes while disguised as the president, but how often do you see a cartoon tie-in comic tell the origin of a major bad guy. Usually that sort of thing is reserved the cartoon series itself and I was surprised and delighted to see it here, especially portrayed as it was as not the center of the story, but just another bit of craziness in an otherwise already delightfully over the top romp. My only gripe: the scene on the cover totally doesn’t happen and I, for one, really wanted to see Batman’s inauguration day.

Dark X-Men #1

“Journey to the Centre of the Goblin: Part 1” – January 2010

From Paul Cornell and Leonard Kirk, the creators who brought us the spectacular Captain Britain and MI13, comes a book that, by all rights, shouldn’t be any good, but, you know, is. I wasn’t really a fan of the Dark line of books that spun out of Dark Reign (Dark Avengers et al), but this book was pretty fun. The story features an evil group of X-Men, including Mystique, Mimic, and Age of Apocalypse Beast playing heroes and converging on a small town to investigate a new mutant for Norman Osborne. The book could have easily end up trite and/or ultra-violent, but Cornell’s deft touch for character work and for humanizing baddies (currently on display in Action Comics) and Kirk’s talent for capturing subtle, human moments through body language and composition, resulted in a fun tale that’s more interested in character interaction than in plot. Mystique, portrayed here as a wary and only slightly conniving leader, and Beast, who only seems to commit horrific and obscene genetic crimes to alleviate his own boredom, fair the best. Sure, it’s a first issue and, as such, the story suffers from exposition and a bit too much set up, but Cornell and Kirk have done the impossible in making me care both about a Dark Reign tie-in and a set of third string X-Men villains and that’s certainly enough. A quick side note: he may not be much for interiors, but I do enjoy Simone Bianchi’s covers. Just sayin’.

The Outsiders #1

“Nuclear Fear, Part 1: Beginning with a Bang!” and “Statue of Limitations” - November 1985

I honestly don’t know where to start with this review except to say that this comic is bat shit insane. True, the main story is plenty weird and features the Batman-less Outsiders defending a nuclear power station from The Nuclear Family, a family of robots, including mom, dad, little boy, little girl, and dog, wearing white jumpsuits and sporting nonsensical nuclear powers. And while that’s all super weird, the weirdest part of the issue comes with the last page, a single page gag strip starring Halo. You see, the Dahli Lama or a Buddha or something has moved to California and has told his own personal Mr. Drysdale to carve him a bunch of Halo statues. The banker or real estate agent or whoever he is invites a duly impressed Halo over to the house to check them out. While there, the Dahli Lama arrives and asks what’s up with the statues. You see, he doesn’t want a bunch of Halo statues; he wants a lot of the little machines that you talk into and say, “Hallo? ‘Stat Chu?’” Or, translated for the my non-racist readers, “Hello? Is that you?” Following the God awful punch line, Halo and the banker literally tip over onto the floor with a thud. I’m not quite sure which surprises me more, that Mike W. Barr got DC to publish this sub-Archie gag, that he got Jim Aparo to draw it, or that I honestly can’t wait to see what he pulls in issue two.

Trinity Angels #1

“Trinity Angels” – July 1997

Kevin Maguire is another one of those artists whose work is always worth picking up. Few other artists are quite so gifted in rendering facial expression and body language. Maguire is also pretty damn good at drawing sexy ladies and horrific monsters and that, it so happens, is what Trinity Angels is all about. From an art standpoint, the book is top notch. Maguire is, as always, in fine form, particularly in his designs for the aforementioned monsters and the three main characters are very sexy indeed, but, good looking as they are, their costumes place them squarely in the ‘90s bad girl ouvre that made Lady Death and Witchblade so popular and that isn’t really my thing. Still, learning some lessons from Giffen and DeMatteis, Maguire smartly makes the story tongue in cheek, keeping it from Miller levels of misogyny (the girls, all of whom start the story by awaking to find themselves in new bodies, are suitably horrified by their mewfound bustiness) and keeping the proceedings more fun than creepy, although, sometimes, only just. Most interesting, though, is the plot, which strongly reminds me of the WB’s Charmed, which debuted one year later: three sisters are empowered by a magical artifact that draws its power from the fact that there are three of them. I wonder if Maguire ever sued. The very little research I did says nothing either way, but it does show that Maguire eventually settled on much less ridiculous costumes, which is nice to know.

Mars Attacks High School #1

“Gene Genie” – May 1997

This issue is kind of a mess, but it’s really not the creators’ fault. You see, this story clearly takes place somewhere in the middle of a much larger story, despite the #1 of 2 emblazoned on the cover. As such, what one would think would be a lark about Martians attacking a high school, turns out to be mostly about the three-boobed chick on the cover and her pals, a little girl and a head, waging guerilla warfare on a Martian lab. It’s a shame, too, because, the story Dwight Jon Zimmerman and Hugh Haynes are telling, about an America that is now at least partially under Martian control and the often mutated refugees who are fighting back, seems pretty interesting and the high school portion is pretty fun, sexy, and gross, reading a lot like a comic book version of Troma’s Class of Nuke ‘Em High. I can see trying to track down a few more of these, but I wonder how many horny teens (remember: three boobies) bought this issue during the ‘90s glut, got confused as all hell, and never picked up another issue. Oh, well, I guess that’s why there isn’t a Topps Comics anymore. What’s worse is that this could be easily remedied by a “Previously in Mars Attacks” blurb or, you know, not slapping a #1 on the cover and implying that is the first issue of a self-contained, two-part story, but, again, that’s all editorial’s fault and not Zimmeran and Haynes’.

Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane #46

“Lois Lane’s Outlaw Son!” – January 1964

Okay, here we go. It’s the (imaginary) future and Lois Lane is now Lois Luthor, widow of a reformed Lex, and mother to Larry, a space buccaneer (!) called Black Luthor. Lois is suitably embarrassed by her son and spends her time crying and watching her son’s criminal exploits via a creepy peeping tom machine and hanging around with Superman, his wife, Super-Lana, and their daughter named (I shit you not) Joan Superman. Soon, Joan gets the hots for Larry and decides to reform him with magic lipstick that fails to work, leaving Joan to utter, in true Silver Age fashion, “That evil-removing chemical I put into my lipstick, then placed on my lips, should’ve reformed you instantly when my lips touched yours!” Turns out Joan kissed a Luthor robot that Larry keeps around for just such occasions. Larry captures Joan to use as a hostage while planning his revenge against Superman. You see, Larry’s hair fell out due to a rare substance Larry himself built into his own Superman detecting helmet, meaning that Superman must die, naturally. Meanwhile, Larry’s evil crew mutinies for vague reasons and they strand Larry on a desolate planet. Lois flies off in a rocket to save Larry, crashes, and almost dies. Larry saves her and is so moved that he turns good, develops an anti-evil chamber to turn him good, modifies the chamber into a ray, uses it on his crew, saves the Earth, and marries Joan. Man, I love comics.

The Pact #4

“Dig Now, Die Later!” - January 2006

In this issue of Image Comics’ Teen Titans analog, Invincible, Firebreather, Shadowhawk, and Noble Causes’ Zephyr team up to fight some lava men and Invincible also-ran villain Doctor Seismic. It’s a fun story, filled with the sort of (somewhat) melodrama free and (somewhat) more realistic character moments and interactions that mark most of writer Robert Kirkman’s work. In the Pact, for example, Kirkman is more than comfortable portraying some of his characters as openly freaked out by others, insecure and unsure of their roles in the super-heroic world (one character wonders if a mayor should be ordering them around), and acting in a pragmatic manner that may not be traditionally “super-heroic” (Invincible punches out an evil senior citizen even though the threat he poses isn’t very immediate). It’s a fun story enhanced by Jason Howard’s angular and cartoony art style. Still, the real draw here is the tongue-in-cheek supplemental materials that include campy, Silver Agey covers that have nothing to do with the story, short PSA strips about the dangers of smoking (You smoke… You die!) and the need to duck and cover when a hero fights a nuclear villain (or you’ll end up a glowing green skeleton like the kids in the last panel), an impossible crossword puzzle that includes clues like Invincible’s grandmother’s weight, a “which of these two pictures are the same” game with an answer key “for stupid kids,” and, best of all, a Pact Babies comic that features Invinci-baby soiling himself on panel.

Uncle Scrooge #32

“That’s No Fable!” – December – February 1961

Sometimes the quarter bin giveth, sometimes it taketh away, and sometimes it does both. Take for instance this early ‘60s issue of Uncle Scrooge, featuring a classic Carl Barks duck adventure. This particular story sees Scrooge, Donald, and the boys relating how they once discovered the fountain of youth, telling the story with the sort of blasé attitude that only Scrooge could have toward such an adventure. It’s a pretty entertaining story, featuring centuries-old Spanish soldiers and a fountain-affected Scrooge spouting some great “young people” dialog (“Man! Man! That juice is the real end!”). The story quickly builds to a climax where Scrooge, Donald, and the boys need to figure out how to get off a little island in the middle of a small spring that is the actual “fountain,” having lost their raft. Donald is about to dive in, but finds out that, if he swims across, he’ll be turned into an egg before reaching the other side. The implication is that only Scrooge is old enough to survive the crossing and… that’s it. The center pages are missing, denying me the last two to four pages. Like most Barks stories, it’s a supremely well written and drawn adventure story, the likes of which just aren’t told anymore, and missing out on the end is a real bummer that is only slightly eased by a back up story featuring Scrooge trying to avoid being invited to a fancy party, lest he have to buy a new suit.