Write Your Own Joke

Write your own joke.
You may not use lack of feet or a correlation between the lateness of the comic and the lateness of the game. Show your work.

From Supreme #53

Variant Uncle Scrooge #132

No, you’re not looking at an old post. Today we’re going talk about variant covers and, speaking of which, have you spotted what makes this a variant cover? That’s right, the Whitman logo. Now, normally, variant covers can be kind of cool. More often than not, they sport an exciting new image by an impressive creator. Before the Internet became what it is today, variants seemed like a pretty cool thing and I certainly bought one or two myself just because I liked that cover image. Nowadays, with the Internet the way it is, I can usually pull up that same image without having to pay $25 at my LCS. I can see the image anytime I want and I’m no longer sure what the appeal of having a book just for its cover is. And that’s always been the case of the Whitman variants for me. Internet or no, these comics feature the same cover as the standard issue, but with a Whitman logo in place of DC or Marvel or Gold Key or whatever. Yeah, I guess they’re a little more rare, but, seriously, how much does it improve your life to have two comics in your collection that are exactly the same except for the corner logo, let alone to have to pay a premium for the Whitman one? Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, that logo is pretty cute… I retract my argument entirely!

Awesome Artwork

File under "irony."

From Supreme #53

The Batman Adventures #25

“Super Friends” – Early November 1994

Yep it’s another issue of The Batman Adventures. Aside from the obvious, this was an easy grab: extra long story, bonus pin-ups by the likes of Mignola and Toth, and a guest appearance by Superman that predates his own Dini/Timm animated series. That was the big draw for me. I couldn’t wait to see how Parobeck chose to design the man of steel in the absence of any character models. Honestly, though, the results were a bit underwhelming. You see, instead of a purely Parobeck designed last son of Krypton, what we end up with is heavily influenced by Supes and Lex’s looks in the then current Superman books, meaning a mulleted Superman and a Lex Luthor with long red hair and a beard. This definitely feels like editorial meddling and it’s a shame because the Fliescher style face Parobeck gives Superman (possibly the only design choice the artist was able to make himself) hints at something pretty great. The story itself is alright, playing with the different ways in which Superman and Batman operate, but it’s nothing special and not nearly as good as the average Batman Adventure. Frankly, Superman and his powers just seem out of place in a world that, for 24 issues, was all about (somewhat) regular people. I can see the appeal of putting Superman in this anniversary issue, especially when he had yet to have his animated debut, but I can’t help but wish we’d just had an oversized Batman story.

Supreme #53

“19th Dimensional Nervous Breakdown!” – September 1997

Alan Moore’s Supreme is a metatextual masterpiece. Often overlooked, Supreme sees Moore adopting Rob Liefeld’s Superman analog and crafting a series of memorable mini-epics in which the aesthetics of the Silver Age and the 1990s Superman collide head on. Further, these are not simple “remember when” type stories, nor are they saying “comics used to better.” More often than not Moore is equally affectionate to both eras, providing a sort of constructive deconstruction of the genre that stands in stark opposition to his work on Watchmen and has a lot more in common with Tom Strong, arguably Supreme’s successor series in both tone and, of course, the use of Chris Sprouse’s terrific pencils. This particular issue sees Supreme fighting Omniman, the comic character he draws during his day job as a comics artist. Omniman turns out to be Szazs, the Sprite Supreme, a Mxyzptlk analog who Supreme has to defeat using a copy of the very same comic book we are reading. Meta! Amusingly, Supreme is more annoyed by Szazs than anything, but not for the regular Superman style reasons. “Earth has changed since the sixties,” Supreme shouts at a now giant Szazs. “Nobody finds this kind of stuff funny or appealing anymore.” To me, this reads like a statement of fact. There’s nothing wrong with a sixties Mxyzptlk story, but times have changed and the sort of comics that were great in the sixties just plain don’t work anymore.

Rated M

I remember seeing this ad in comics a lot as a kid for whatever reason and it really creeped me out. Of course, the "Rated M" is a lot more fitting nowadays.

From G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #67

“Cold Snap” – January 1986

Here we have your random issue of the always pretty good Marvel G.I. Joe comic, which, let’s face it, should totally be called “Cobra.” You see, beneath this pretty cool Lady Jaye cover, are basically two stories: a Joe story and a Cobra story. While the Cobra story is all about Cobra being Cobra, the Joe story is a hopelessly bromantic little melodrama. Three Joes, Stalker, Snow-Job (he he), and Quick-Kick, are returning home from being POWs. The Joes come out in force to welcome them home, even bringing their space shuttle for some reason. They are, of course, crazy excited, except for Outback, who’s all mopey for leaving his bros behind under Stalker’s orders. Stalker and the boys quickly put their PTSD behind them to cheer up Emo Joe and, after much shoulder holding, the bros go out for a frosty Yo-Jo cola. I’m sure this would be more dramatic if I’d been reading the whole series, but whatever. Meanwhile, Dr. Mindbender and the Baroness are working to overcome a change of government and Cobra Commander’s jerky behavior to kick off a plan they’ve been working on for years in some foreign country. Believe it or not, it actually works as some ultralow frequency sonic wave throw the populace into rioting and Cobra celebrates, requiring Cobra Commander to somehow sip champagne through his metal mask. Folks, this just proves once again what I’ve known since puberty: Cobra is much cooler than G.I. Joe. Also, Cobra Commander is hilarious.

Hey Kids!

Hey kids, just place one of these tabs on the end of your cigarette for hours of fun!

From Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge #132

Guy Gardner: Warrior #29

“It’s My Party and I’ll Fight If I Want To” – March 1995

This may just be the perfect time capsule for the mid-1990s DCU. Thanks to the plot device of Guy throwing a party for the opening of Warriors restaurant, this issue is able to provide a snapshot of nearly every DCU character as they existed during comics’ most controversial era. Just paging through the issue, you get a splash page featuring Kyle Rayner, Steel, and that weird 90s version of Ice, a mulleted Superman complaining about “imposters,” a grumpy, longhaired Aquaman who is actually complaining that no one notices his missing hand, the Blood Pack, that knife carrying version of Doctor Fate called Fate, Atom Smasher in his old Nuklon get up, the extra-grim post Zero Hour Hawkman, the Psyba Rats, and, maybe best of all, Artemis in her Wonder Woman costume arguing with Donna Troy in her Darkstar outfit. And that’s not even mentioning the pure nineties glory that is Guy Gardner: Warrior himself. Plus, you get a gimmick cover (a sort of double gatefold job that serves as “doors” for Warriors and which opens to reveal a secondary cover jam packed with all of the heroes of the DCU), a gratuitous Lobo appearance and fight, gratuitous celebrity cameos by Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone, and a story that is “to be continued” in another title (Action #709). And if that’s not enough reason to check it out, it’s all beautifully penciled by the always terrific Phil Jiminez, who isn’t necessarily a nineties style artist, but who cares?

Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four #36

“Understudy Rumble” – July 2008

It turns out that Marvel Adventures comics are a real hoot and this issue of their Fantastic Four title is no exception. The line is predicated on the idea of having a line of titles that feature one and done stories with no ties to current continuity and which are accessible to an all ages readership. For a lot of readers, that “all ages” banner automatically kills any series from the Adventures line, but they’re forgetting that “all ages” can mean just that: a book that, like The Batman Adventures, is just as enjoyable to young readers as to adults. That in mind, writer Paul Tobin really takes the ball and runs with the idea of the one and done, light continuity FF story, telling stories that read much more like the best of 70s Marvel and less like an FF version of Spidey Super Stories. This particular issue is a real stand out and features Tobin’s talent for telling action packed, character driven plots with interesting twists on comic clichés. Here, a group of college kids gets zapped by a ray which turns them in an evil Anti-Fantastic Four, a take off on the standard Superman Bizarro story. Tobin, however, takes the idea of an opposite FF all the way by giving us a truly ineffectual team that includes a Human Water Spout, an incredibly rigid Anti Mr. Fantastic, a handsome, but weak Thing, and, best of all, the Visible Woman, whose power is to turn “extra visible.”

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From Guy Gardner: Warrior #29 - March 1995

Uncle Scrooge #132

“The Fabulous Philosopher’s Stone” – September 1976

It can be hard to recognize true genius. When I was a lad, Jack Kirby’s art was completely impenetrable to me, but, now, I value his contributions like the king he is. Much of the recognition comes from time and experience. The more comics you read, the more you see how the work of the older guard influenced the new. You begin to see how Kirby built a foundation on which all super-hero comics are based. With someone like Carl Barks, it’s easier to see. A modern reader has to sift through decades of super-hero books to get to Kirby, but there simply aren’t any other comics like Barks’ duck comics. These stories are globe hopping adventure at its best with Scrooge and the boys hopping from one exotic port to another on the hunt for fabulous treasures and artifacts. The stories are skillful, expressive, and hilarious, and rivaled only by classics like Treasure Island and the adventures of Indiana Jones. What’s more, Barks, not content to simply master a genre, does so even while turning the hero archetype on it’s head, casting Scrooge, a character who, on the surface, has all of the characteristics of a good villain, as a protagonist that we can’t help but root for. It’s easy to love brave, selfless Doctor Jones, but greedy, selfish Scrooge? That, my friends, is genius. As for this story, it’s Scrooge in pursuit of the fabled philosopher’s stone, which turns any substance to gold. What more do you want?

Web of Spider-Man #38

“Moving Up” – May 1988

In this exciting issue: Peter Parker gets drunk! Yup. I bring this up mostly because of the hubbub regarding Pete’s inebriation (at a wedding) in a recent issue of Amazing, which, apparently, drove some fans absolutely nuts and led to Marvel claiming in the book’s letters column that Peter wasn’t really drunk at all. He’d been drinking ginger ale the whole time thinking it was champagne and, so, was only psychosomatically drunk because, of course, Spidey would never get drunk. Similar storytelling gymnastics are also used in this issue of Web of Spider-Man. You see, Pete and MJ are throwing a party in their apartment on the eve of moving out. Peter hears Hobgoblin is back and goes off to fight him, but is a little tipsy. But don’t worry, webheads! The punch had been secretly spiked by the landlord’s husband, so Peter didn’t know he was drinking alcohol. After all, as we all know, Peter Parker only ever gets pretend or accidentally drunk and, for some reason, that’s okay. The whole to do over this was because of Spidey’s place as a role model for kids, so he shouldn’t drink. That’s fine. I get that. But what’s the better lesson for kids: “sometimes bad things happen when you drink so be responsible (as Uncle Ben would say)” or “Spidey NEVER DRINKS EVER, unless the writers think it’s funny and can whitewash it later?” We’re a long way from “Demon in a Bottle” here, folks.

Vampirella Flip Book

“Bugs” – October 1994

Vampirella’s costume is designed with one thing in mind: sex appeal. It does its job well and has helped the character endure for 40 years and even helped thrust (no pun intended) her prominently (no pun intended) into the forefront of the nineties bad girl craze. What amuses me the most about her costume, though, is how well it acts as a barometer for the sort of story you’re about to get: the skimpier the costume, the less the creators care about story and the more they care about boobies. Take this issue’s cover by Jim Balent, featuring a dental floss version of Vampirella’s traditional red one-piece that is very much in keeping with the overly sexualized stories and art featured in Balent’s work on Tarot. This cover suggests a nineties era boobs before plot mentality, but the interiors suggest something altogether different. Arthur Adams, who drew our feature, is also well known for rendering sexy, buxom babes, although with highly appealing artistic flair and talent for character acting that rivals Kevin Maguire’s. His Vampirella costume is more modest than Balent’s, actually covering most of her chest and giving her some small dignity. Adams is also a damn fine monster artist and he gets to put all of that on display in this story, which sees Vampi trying to save a group of innocent bug monsters from confused and bloodthirsty townspeople in a Kurt Busiek penned version of the well worn “the monsters are the good guys” horror trope.

Batman: The Scottish Connection

August 1998

In a story that seems like a better fit for the world’s richest duck than for the dark knight detective, Batman travels to Scotland and is quickly embroiled in a vicious, centuries old clan feud where superstition acts as a smoke screen for revenge plot involving the plague virus. The story is honestly kind of a humdrum affair, with an uncomplicated and rather obvious mystery at its center. The villain is not up to the usual standard of Batman rogues and the verdant, rolling landscape feels out of place in a Batman story that doesn’t use that clash to say anything interesting. The best part about the issue, though, is unquestionably the art, an early Batman offering from current fan favorite Frank Quitely. No, it’s no Batman and Robin, but Quitely’s distinct rendering style and gift for action storytelling are already in place, as displayed in a couple of excellently choreographed fight scenes. This book also expertly displays Quitely’s gift for faces. Often times, artists have trouble differentiating one character from another, particularly with background characters, but Quitely always has a way of making each face stand out by employing slightly caricatured, but distinctly human features and imperfections in almost mind numbing detail that also never distracts or overwhelms. He’s almost like the Preston Sturges of the comics page in that regard. Particularly nice is Quitely’s depiction of the story’s romantic interest who, in a near impossibility on the comics page, is beautiful without being crazy comic book hot.

Star Trek: Starfleet Academy #1

“Prime Directives” – December 1996

As you may recall from my review of that Riker comic, this is the series that featured the unnecessarily busty Andorian. Another refugee from Marvel’s short-lived Paramount Comics imprint, Starfleet Academy is pretty clearly an attempt to have a Gen13 series set in the Star Trek universe. Needless to say, it doesn’t really work. Now, it isn’t terrible by any stretch of the imagination and given that it’s a series that co-stars Nog, the annoying Ferengi kid from DS9, that’s really saying something. Basically, it’s series about a group of ragtag cadets, including the latest in the line of Deckers, a Vulcan lady who’s really a Romulan spy, Nog, and, yes, our favorite Andorian and Caitlin Fairchild stand-in, Pava, who totally shows up naked during the issue (as if you weren’t expecting that). There really isn’t a lot else to say about the story. In a way, its surprising (and a bit disappointing) that it isn’t more spectacularly bad. The art, meanwhile, which is serviceable if more than a little in the Image knock-off vain, turns out to be by Chris Renaud, the dude who directed this summer’s Despicable Me. I know. I’m pretty surprised, too, and I find myself wishing he’d done this book in a more cartoony style that would have at least given it more of an identity of it’s own, but, again, Marvel clearly wasn’t as interested in The Star Trek Adventures as much as they were NCC 90210.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #3

“President Batman!” – May 2009

Silver Age craziness abounds in this issue, which sees the caped crusader pose as the President of the United States to stop an assassination. The highlights, and there are many, include, a completely unnecessary guest star role for Green Arrow who spends most of the time posing as a secret service agent without ever removing his mask or Robin Hood hat, two real secret service agents freaking out over handing over control of the country and the military to anyone other than the president, but going ahead with it since it’s Batman, , a white house lawn luau, the best artistic rendering of a dude using a hologram projector to disguise himself as another dude that I have ever seen, and, last but not least, the origin of the Ultra-Humanite. Now, that last bit may not seem like a big deal, particularly in a story where Batman beats up dudes while disguised as the president, but how often do you see a cartoon tie-in comic tell the origin of a major bad guy. Usually that sort of thing is reserved the cartoon series itself and I was surprised and delighted to see it here, especially portrayed as it was as not the center of the story, but just another bit of craziness in an otherwise already delightfully over the top romp. My only gripe: the scene on the cover totally doesn’t happen and I, for one, really wanted to see Batman’s inauguration day.

Dark X-Men #1

“Journey to the Centre of the Goblin: Part 1” – January 2010

From Paul Cornell and Leonard Kirk, the creators who brought us the spectacular Captain Britain and MI13, comes a book that, by all rights, shouldn’t be any good, but, you know, is. I wasn’t really a fan of the Dark line of books that spun out of Dark Reign (Dark Avengers et al), but this book was pretty fun. The story features an evil group of X-Men, including Mystique, Mimic, and Age of Apocalypse Beast playing heroes and converging on a small town to investigate a new mutant for Norman Osborne. The book could have easily end up trite and/or ultra-violent, but Cornell’s deft touch for character work and for humanizing baddies (currently on display in Action Comics) and Kirk’s talent for capturing subtle, human moments through body language and composition, resulted in a fun tale that’s more interested in character interaction than in plot. Mystique, portrayed here as a wary and only slightly conniving leader, and Beast, who only seems to commit horrific and obscene genetic crimes to alleviate his own boredom, fair the best. Sure, it’s a first issue and, as such, the story suffers from exposition and a bit too much set up, but Cornell and Kirk have done the impossible in making me care both about a Dark Reign tie-in and a set of third string X-Men villains and that’s certainly enough. A quick side note: he may not be much for interiors, but I do enjoy Simone Bianchi’s covers. Just sayin’.

The Outsiders #1

“Nuclear Fear, Part 1: Beginning with a Bang!” and “Statue of Limitations” - November 1985

I honestly don’t know where to start with this review except to say that this comic is bat shit insane. True, the main story is plenty weird and features the Batman-less Outsiders defending a nuclear power station from The Nuclear Family, a family of robots, including mom, dad, little boy, little girl, and dog, wearing white jumpsuits and sporting nonsensical nuclear powers. And while that’s all super weird, the weirdest part of the issue comes with the last page, a single page gag strip starring Halo. You see, the Dahli Lama or a Buddha or something has moved to California and has told his own personal Mr. Drysdale to carve him a bunch of Halo statues. The banker or real estate agent or whoever he is invites a duly impressed Halo over to the house to check them out. While there, the Dahli Lama arrives and asks what’s up with the statues. You see, he doesn’t want a bunch of Halo statues; he wants a lot of the little machines that you talk into and say, “Hallo? ‘Stat Chu?’” Or, translated for the my non-racist readers, “Hello? Is that you?” Following the God awful punch line, Halo and the banker literally tip over onto the floor with a thud. I’m not quite sure which surprises me more, that Mike W. Barr got DC to publish this sub-Archie gag, that he got Jim Aparo to draw it, or that I honestly can’t wait to see what he pulls in issue two.

Trinity Angels #1

“Trinity Angels” – July 1997

Kevin Maguire is another one of those artists whose work is always worth picking up. Few other artists are quite so gifted in rendering facial expression and body language. Maguire is also pretty damn good at drawing sexy ladies and horrific monsters and that, it so happens, is what Trinity Angels is all about. From an art standpoint, the book is top notch. Maguire is, as always, in fine form, particularly in his designs for the aforementioned monsters and the three main characters are very sexy indeed, but, good looking as they are, their costumes place them squarely in the ‘90s bad girl ouvre that made Lady Death and Witchblade so popular and that isn’t really my thing. Still, learning some lessons from Giffen and DeMatteis, Maguire smartly makes the story tongue in cheek, keeping it from Miller levels of misogyny (the girls, all of whom start the story by awaking to find themselves in new bodies, are suitably horrified by their mewfound bustiness) and keeping the proceedings more fun than creepy, although, sometimes, only just. Most interesting, though, is the plot, which strongly reminds me of the WB’s Charmed, which debuted one year later: three sisters are empowered by a magical artifact that draws its power from the fact that there are three of them. I wonder if Maguire ever sued. The very little research I did says nothing either way, but it does show that Maguire eventually settled on much less ridiculous costumes, which is nice to know.

Mars Attacks High School #1

“Gene Genie” – May 1997

This issue is kind of a mess, but it’s really not the creators’ fault. You see, this story clearly takes place somewhere in the middle of a much larger story, despite the #1 of 2 emblazoned on the cover. As such, what one would think would be a lark about Martians attacking a high school, turns out to be mostly about the three-boobed chick on the cover and her pals, a little girl and a head, waging guerilla warfare on a Martian lab. It’s a shame, too, because, the story Dwight Jon Zimmerman and Hugh Haynes are telling, about an America that is now at least partially under Martian control and the often mutated refugees who are fighting back, seems pretty interesting and the high school portion is pretty fun, sexy, and gross, reading a lot like a comic book version of Troma’s Class of Nuke ‘Em High. I can see trying to track down a few more of these, but I wonder how many horny teens (remember: three boobies) bought this issue during the ‘90s glut, got confused as all hell, and never picked up another issue. Oh, well, I guess that’s why there isn’t a Topps Comics anymore. What’s worse is that this could be easily remedied by a “Previously in Mars Attacks” blurb or, you know, not slapping a #1 on the cover and implying that is the first issue of a self-contained, two-part story, but, again, that’s all editorial’s fault and not Zimmeran and Haynes’.

Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane #46

“Lois Lane’s Outlaw Son!” – January 1964

Okay, here we go. It’s the (imaginary) future and Lois Lane is now Lois Luthor, widow of a reformed Lex, and mother to Larry, a space buccaneer (!) called Black Luthor. Lois is suitably embarrassed by her son and spends her time crying and watching her son’s criminal exploits via a creepy peeping tom machine and hanging around with Superman, his wife, Super-Lana, and their daughter named (I shit you not) Joan Superman. Soon, Joan gets the hots for Larry and decides to reform him with magic lipstick that fails to work, leaving Joan to utter, in true Silver Age fashion, “That evil-removing chemical I put into my lipstick, then placed on my lips, should’ve reformed you instantly when my lips touched yours!” Turns out Joan kissed a Luthor robot that Larry keeps around for just such occasions. Larry captures Joan to use as a hostage while planning his revenge against Superman. You see, Larry’s hair fell out due to a rare substance Larry himself built into his own Superman detecting helmet, meaning that Superman must die, naturally. Meanwhile, Larry’s evil crew mutinies for vague reasons and they strand Larry on a desolate planet. Lois flies off in a rocket to save Larry, crashes, and almost dies. Larry saves her and is so moved that he turns good, develops an anti-evil chamber to turn him good, modifies the chamber into a ray, uses it on his crew, saves the Earth, and marries Joan. Man, I love comics.

The Pact #4

“Dig Now, Die Later!” - January 2006

In this issue of Image Comics’ Teen Titans analog, Invincible, Firebreather, Shadowhawk, and Noble Causes’ Zephyr team up to fight some lava men and Invincible also-ran villain Doctor Seismic. It’s a fun story, filled with the sort of (somewhat) melodrama free and (somewhat) more realistic character moments and interactions that mark most of writer Robert Kirkman’s work. In the Pact, for example, Kirkman is more than comfortable portraying some of his characters as openly freaked out by others, insecure and unsure of their roles in the super-heroic world (one character wonders if a mayor should be ordering them around), and acting in a pragmatic manner that may not be traditionally “super-heroic” (Invincible punches out an evil senior citizen even though the threat he poses isn’t very immediate). It’s a fun story enhanced by Jason Howard’s angular and cartoony art style. Still, the real draw here is the tongue-in-cheek supplemental materials that include campy, Silver Agey covers that have nothing to do with the story, short PSA strips about the dangers of smoking (You smoke… You die!) and the need to duck and cover when a hero fights a nuclear villain (or you’ll end up a glowing green skeleton like the kids in the last panel), an impossible crossword puzzle that includes clues like Invincible’s grandmother’s weight, a “which of these two pictures are the same” game with an answer key “for stupid kids,” and, best of all, a Pact Babies comic that features Invinci-baby soiling himself on panel.

Uncle Scrooge #32

“That’s No Fable!” – December – February 1961

Sometimes the quarter bin giveth, sometimes it taketh away, and sometimes it does both. Take for instance this early ‘60s issue of Uncle Scrooge, featuring a classic Carl Barks duck adventure. This particular story sees Scrooge, Donald, and the boys relating how they once discovered the fountain of youth, telling the story with the sort of blasé attitude that only Scrooge could have toward such an adventure. It’s a pretty entertaining story, featuring centuries-old Spanish soldiers and a fountain-affected Scrooge spouting some great “young people” dialog (“Man! Man! That juice is the real end!”). The story quickly builds to a climax where Scrooge, Donald, and the boys need to figure out how to get off a little island in the middle of a small spring that is the actual “fountain,” having lost their raft. Donald is about to dive in, but finds out that, if he swims across, he’ll be turned into an egg before reaching the other side. The implication is that only Scrooge is old enough to survive the crossing and… that’s it. The center pages are missing, denying me the last two to four pages. Like most Barks stories, it’s a supremely well written and drawn adventure story, the likes of which just aren’t told anymore, and missing out on the end is a real bummer that is only slightly eased by a back up story featuring Scrooge trying to avoid being invited to a fancy party, lest he have to buy a new suit.

Gen13 #69

“Failed Universe”

Cover Price: $2.50
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: November 2001

Now this, on the other hand, was more like it. Actually written by Adam Warren this time (although the thing last time was entirely my own fault), it’s a surprisingly strong story, featuring Grunge, Roxy, and the Authority’s Swift. It seems some inconsequential villains have taken advantage of Grunge’s affair with Swift to introduce a virus into the Carrier, the Authority’s massive multi-dimensional transport. Grunge is forced to use his elemental absorption powers to become one with the Carrier, leading to a fascinating reverse Flowers for Algernon story that sees the usually dense and self absorbed Grunge (and eventually Roxy as well), suddenly preternaturally aware of himself and of the terrible way he treats Roxy, his supposed girl friend. The duo have a deep and terribly insightful conversation about their love life as they interface with the carrier and each other, resulting in a reflection on fickle teenage love that is far beyond what one would expect from what is customarily a raunchy teen super-hero comedy. Warren adds another layer by employing nonlinear storytelling, told in part by Swift after the fact and using Swift’s own callow attitudes to compliment Grunge’s journey in the issue. Yanick Paquette pencils the issue with a style that is at once sexy and in keeping with Gen13’s usual status quo and sophisticated enough to carry the more mature story, much as he did for Morrison’s Bulleteer. Somewhat surprisingly, it’s a hell of an issue and a complete 180 from #58.

Gen13 #58

“Gotta Kill ‘Em All!”

Cover Price: $2.50
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: December 2000

When I was a teen, I loved Gen13. I mean, seriously, boobies. In the years since, however, I’ve pretty much dismissed the whole affair. I mean, seriously, boobies?
At least I had dismissed it until I started to hear tell that Adam Warren’s run on the book late in the series was worth checking out. A quick trip to the quarter bin later and I was the proud owner of a couple of issues of Gen13 for the first time in years (not counting, of course, Gail Simone’s recent revamp, which was really pretty good). I started with this issue, figuring an Adam Warren penned deadly Pokemon story might be something. Unfortunately for me, this was not one of the Adam Warren issues. I decided to give it a try anyway, but, ugh, it is pretty rough. The story does indeed feature deadly, deadly Pokemon and the Gen13 team, who are inexplicably working as a masked Manga style strike force in Japan. It’s all cluttered action and clumsy dialog and, honestly, I just couldn’t get through the whole thing. Seriously, even the early boob-filled J. Scott Campbell stuff was kind of fun, but this issue is just a mess. The sole bright spot is Ed Benes’ art, which fits pretty well with the established Gen13 aesthetic (again, boobies).

Astro City #1

“Welcome to Astro City”

Cover Price: $2.50
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: September 1996

Kurt Busiek’s Astro City is always a joy. For the uninitiated, each issue of the series tells the story of a regular person living in a world filled with super-hero analogs. This particular issue deals with a single dad and his two daughters moving to the eponymous city and their first experiences with a super-heroic disaster. It’s a pretty low key story and, at first blush, might seem unexceptional or, for your friendly neighborhood blogger, difficult to talk about, but the low key stuff really is the strength of Astro City as Busiek time and again mines the super-heroic world for little moments that, while profound, are dealt with in such a perfectly casual manner that his incredible insight into what it would be like to live in the Marvel or DCU can be momentarily missed. In this issue, it’s the quiet moment when the residents of our protagonist’s apartment building ascend to the roof, some with lawn chairs, to watch the apocalyptic battle taking place in the skies overhead. It’s real Lee/Kirby end of the world stuff, dangerous beyond human comprehension, but the people stand and watch, knowing that, should the worst happen, the brick and mortar of their home won’t protect them, but never truly fearing that such an end will occur. Of course the heroes will win, they always do and you may as well watch, even if, for many of the bystanders, it’s as common as the rain.

The Spectre #11

“The Mission”

Cover Price: $2.50
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: January, 2002

Hal Jordan’s a really bland character. He’s brave and confident and fearless and whatever and, while that’s great for the Silver Age, it doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for complexity today. Hal has been GL since the late fifties. It’s probably about time we told new and interesting stories about someone new and interesting. J.M. DeMatteis’ Spectre series, however, is a surprisingly refreshing take on Hal. Here, Hal is over his head as the new Spectre, unsure and downright distrustful of his powers. He’s dealing with the wrath of God, judgment, and his own guilt over his time as Parallax. He’s still the brave Hal Jordon, but here there’s a little more depth as we see Hal dealing with his recent troubled past in a heroic and human way, while dealing with situations that are completely new to the jaded space cop. DeMatteis adds a really nice sense of wonder to the proceedings of this particular issue, which deals with Jordon learning that there are different aspects of himself and his personality that even he wasn’t aware of, wandering the world to bring the wrath and redemption of God to people of different cultures and faiths, allowing the Spectre to be in multiple places at once and to cater to a variety of different faiths and expectations. It’s a pretty clever twist on the idea of the GL Corps that leads to some interesting ideas and a nice, refreshing take on a well-worn character.

Batman and Robin Adventures Annual #1

“Shadow of the Phantasm”

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Cover Date: November 1996

I realize that this blog is in serious danger of becoming the blog that just won’t shut up about Mike Parobeck, but there is no better issue to spark discussion about the man and his art than this, his final work. The story, a sequel to the animated series feature film Mask of the Phantasm, features Bruce Wayne’s lost love cum murderous vigilante Andrea Beaumont/Phantasm returning to Gotham to tie up loose ends. It’s a nice enough story with Paul Dini providing some good character work for Beaumont and a nice moment about the Joker’s pre-acid bath identity. The story, however, is rather fittingly overshadowed by the loss of Parobeck, who is beautifully eulogized in the issue’s final page essay by Scott Peterson that describes the merits of the man and his work far better than I ever could and which is worth the price of admission alone. As Peterson says, Parobeck was, by all accounts, a hell of a nice guy with a style that was consistently solid and often amazing, displaying a storytelling craft that is often ironically missing from our favorite visual medium. As I’ve said before, Parobeck’s art was a true bright spot in the dark days of the mid-nineties and the medium as a whole is weaker for his loss. Personally, I wish I’d discovered Parobeck’s art when he was alive, but I’m always grateful that it remains preserved on the four color page to be rediscovered again and again.

Exiles #2

“Long Live the King! – Part One”

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Cover Date: July 2009

Fact: Jeff Parker is writing some really fun comics and this all too brief revival of The Exiles is just another example of that. Second fact: you guys, this Salva Espin guy is pretty great. His art is clean and kinetic and his design sense is great (I particularly love his Morlock-like Beast). His art is also also refreshing in that it’s just left of center for the average super-hero book. In fact, the whole book is a little like that, which is probably why it was cancelled with issue six. Still, we’ll just have to chalk the whole thing up to another creative, unconventional team book, like SWORD, Atlas, and Captain Britain and MI-13, cancelled before it’s time. I just think it’s a shame that even books with only, let’s face it, marginally original characters cannot thrive in the current market place. It’s a shame, too, because this is easily the most enjoyable take on The Exiles yet, in no small part because Parker really gets the appeal of seeing not just alternate universes, but alternate takes on our favorite characters in the form of the Exiles themselves. You see Parker has an unmatched ear for characterization and dialogue, allowing him to use those off kilter characterizations to set up a number of entertaining and believable personality clashes. Also, Polaris makes Forge punch himself in the face and who doesn’t want to see that?

Trinity #1

“Green Lantern” “Darkstars” “L.E.G.I.O.N. ‘93”

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Cover Date: August 1993

Not to be confused with DC’s recent weekly, 1993’s Trinity was the anchor book for a two month, eight issue long crossover for DC’s space fairing law enforcement agencies: the Green Lanterns, Vril Dox’s L.E.G.I.O.N. and the Darkstars, the extreme, take no prisoners nineties take on the Lantern Corps. Despite the flashy cover, this looked like a good chance to, if nothing else, learn more about the L.E.G.I.O.N., a concept I found intriguing, but which, so far, has failed to hook me (which is a shame because I really like Vril Dox). The Darkstars and Green Lantern stories are mediocre, despite art from Travis Charest and Gene Ha respectively. Ha and Charest may be superstars today, but, unfortunately, they’d yet to crystallize their distinctive styles in 1993. Fortunately, the L.E.G.I.O.N. story is pretty fun. Written by Mark Waid with pencils by Barry Kitson, the chapter sees both creators at the top of their game. The art is clean and distinctive and Kitson handles the large cast well, effortlessly distinguishing one character from another while handling the crowd scenes and alien city without ever skimping on detail. This issue really reminded me just how good Kitson is and it’s a shame he doesn’t get more recognition. Waid’s story is also a lot of fun and serves as an excellent showcase for the conflicting personality types of the characters, particularly the arrogant Dox. I’m looking forward to finding some issues of Waid and Kitson’s L.E.G.I.O.N. and seeing if it holds up.

Star Trek: The Next Generation Special – Riker

“The Enemy of My Enemy”

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Cover Date: July 1998

Let’s face it, unless they’re written by Peter David, Star Trek comics pretty much blow. DC often came the closest, but everyone else, from Malibu to IDW to Golden Key, has pretty much dropped the ball. Still, easily the most spectacular failure is the line of Star Trek comics Marvel released under their Paramount Comics imprint. Here, Marvel paired straightforward licensed properties Deep Space Nine and Voyager with “original” series like The Early Years, featuring Captain Pike, and Starfleet Academy, the Gen 13 of Star Trek, complete with a ridiculously busty Andorian, and two gloriously ludicrous Star Trek/X-Men crossovers. The stories were often of fan fiction quality with art that featured characters with lifeless, over photo referenced faces and unbelievably roided up bodies. The absurdly titled Star Trek: The Next Generation Special – Riker: The Enemy of My Enemy exemplifies all of the worst qualities of the Marvel Trek line. The story shoehorns fan favorite elements like Ro Laren, Tom Riker, the Marquis, and even the Genesis Torpedo into a subpar rehash of the already subpar TNG two-parter Gambit with a plot that never even comes close to passing the idiot test. Character faces look traced while bodies, including Riker and Data, very from fairly human to the nineties vein popping super heroic standard. Frankly, there’s a lot to hate about this comic, but the two worst features are the hideous, slapped together in Photoshop cover and the gigantic boobs given to the previously sleek Ro Laren.

The Batman Adventures #26

“Tree of Knowledge”

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Cover Date: Late November 1994

Here we have another great teaming of Batgirl and Robin, once again by Puckett and Parobeck. What sets this issue apart from #18 is that Puckett stages this story so that Dick and Babs spend as much time working on the mystery out of costume as in, resulting a better dichotomy of the duo’s love/hate relationship (they love each other in costume but hate each other’s guts in civvies) that evokes more of a classic screwball comedy dynamic than the somewhat straightforward flirtation of the previous issue. This extra layer, previously only hinted at in a single page, really takes the dynamic to the next level. Kelly’s story isn’t the only thing firing on all cylinders here, though, as the always amazing Mike Parobeck turns in an absolute masterpiece. Parobeck is definitely an underappreciated master and his cartoony style fits this book so well. It would be easy to assume that books like The Justice Society of American, El Diablo, and Impact’s The Fly, where he wasn’t restricted by an established look and model sheets, would be better showcases, but, as I said before, Parobeck perfectly evokes the feel of the Batman cartoon while always keeping his art his own and this issue is really top notch. His dynamic storytelling, the fluidity of motion he effortlessly brings to his figures, and the retro, minimalist sensibility he brings to his design work combine to create just as much substance as style, easily placing him on par with Cooke, Allred, and Timm.

The Batman Adventures #18

“Decision Day”

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Cover Date: March 1994

The Batman Adventures may be the most underrated comic of the nineties, featuring excellent Batman stories, usually written with an unparalleled cleverness and brevity by Kelley Puckett and drawn by Mike Parobeck whose style, much like Puckett’s writing, perfectly evokes the feel of the weekday afternoon cartoon show, while still being distinctly original. While the series is always an enjoyable read and an easy pick-up from the quarter bins, this issue, which shines the spotlight on Batgirl and Robin is even better than most. Batgirl, in her civilian identity of Barbara Gordon has just witnessed a would-be bombing of police headquarters. Rather than sit back under witness protection while the GCPD prosecutes the case, she dons her cowl to investigate on her own, which is when she runs into Robin, who is working the same case. The plot then quickly takes a backseat to a charming flirtation that underscores how much fun each has in their masked identities and how their crime fighting styles differ; Robin is more the more experienced, better trained fighter and crime solver, while Batgirl depends more on instinct and intuition. Best of all, though, is the one page exchange between the two when they bump into each other in their secret identities the next day. Expertly combining the tropes of a standard Batman adventure with a post modern romance comic, it’s a delightful forgotten treasure of an issue and one that makes me long for a similar dynamic in the DCU proper.

The Man of Steel #3

"One Night in Gotham City..."

Cover Price: $0.75
Bargain Price: 3/$1.00
Cover Date: November 1986

This may be Superman’s comic, but, brother, this issue is all about Batman. This middle chapter of John Byrne’s Superman origin reboot sees Batman and Superman meeting for the first time, while trying to stop an absurdly dressed killer named Magpie. Incidentally, Magpie, whose shtick is to steal shiny things and replace them with explosives, is the only bad part of the issue. Seriously, was the Joker busy? Anyway, Superman has come to Gotham to arrest Batman, but Bats convinces Superman to hold on and help with Magpie by telling Supes that if he even touches Batman a bomb will go off somewhere in Gotham, killing an innocent person. If that sounds out of character, just wait for the twist, which, honestly, is about as Batman as you can get. Batman continues to shine throughout the adventure. There’s some solid detective work and deduction, which, ironically, is often missing from Batman’s adventures, and a great little exchange with Superman about how saving the planet is one thing, but saving a city is something else entirely. As for Kal-El himself, since the story primarily serves to demonstrate to both Superman and the reader the validity of a vastly different approach to crime fighting, the man of steel actually does or says very little in this issue. The result is a fun little meta-commentary wherein Superman is basically the reader, sitting down to read his first Batman comic and learning what a badass Batman is, which is alright with me.

Star Wars: The Bounty Hunters

“Aurra Sing One-Shot”

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Cover Date: August 1999

Aurra Sing as written and drawn by Tim Truman is a character I’d like to read more about. Despite first appearing in the Phantom Menace, she has a look and feel that ties her to the original trilogy’s galactic margins, that area of space just outside of the Empire’s control and ruled by smugglers, bounty hunters, and gangsters. It’s the part of the Star Wars universe we first see on Tatooine in the original film and which is home to anti-heroes like Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, who are sadly absent from the prequels. Unlike a lot of Expanded Universe characters, Aurra is not just a Han Solo also ran. She’s quiet, cunning, and ruthless with a code of honor and business that reminds me of Angel Eyes from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, albeit a sort of sexy female alien Angel Eyes. It’s a personality type not often done well in comics anymore, not to mention in the Star Wars universe, and one that can be difficult for the reader to empathize with, but Truman does his job expertly. The story itself is a fun globe hopping adventure that, despite taking place on Endor, Tatooine, Bespin, and Hot, mostly steers clear of the core Star Wars universe, allowing Aurra to exist in that same seedy world that is home to Han, Lando, Mos Eisley, and Jabba’s palace and which first attracted me to the Star Wars saga.

Star Trek: Countdown #3

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Cover Date: January 2009

I didn’t really care for J. J. Abram’s new Star Trek movie. I don’t think it’s a bad movie per se; it just isn’t for me. Still, I was interested in this mini-series, which relates the events that happen in the Next Generation era leading up to the time travel plot of the movie. Basically, Romulus has blown up and mining ship captain Nero and his cronies decide to kill a bunch of dudes while Spock, Picard, and Data try to save the universe from the phenomenon that blew up Romulus. As you can probably tell by the cast, which also includes the Geordi and Worf, both retired from Starfleet, it’s mostly a bunch of continuity porn that’s too busy using coincidence to get all of your fan favorite characters involved to bother with telling a compelling story that actually enhances the movie. It does serve to answer some unanswered questions from the movie, like what’s up with Nero’s head tattoo, but it largely just creates more, particularly when using ridiculous, fanboyish plot devices to explain things that don’t need explaining, like why is Nero’s mining ship so big and bad ass? Because a Romulan prison satellite outfitted it with indestructible Borg technology that has nanites in it that can fix any damage. Um, okay. Still, it was fun seeing Data run around a little bit, all reconstructed and promoted to captain of the Enterprise in the future, and that’s kind of good enough for me. I like Data.

Dark Reign: The Cabal #1

“Doctor Doom: …And I’ll Get the Land” “Emma Frost: How I Survived Apocalyptic Fire” “The Hood: Family Trust” “Namor, the Sub-Mariner: The Judgement of Namor” and “Loki: Dinner with Doom”

Cover Price: $3.99
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Cover Date: June 2009

Perhaps because of the somewhat unusually high level of talent involved for such an ancillary special, including Matt Fraction, Rick Remender, Jonathan Hickman, Kieron Gillen, Daniel Acuna, and Adi Granov, this anthology is largely quite good, if often inconsequential. The Namor and Hood stories are both good character pieces, that ulitmately, perhaps because I don’t have any real attachment to the characters, fail to resonate. Emma Frost’s tale is the weakest and largely rehashes the old saw about her students always dying while recapping the origin bits from her cancelled solo series. It is, however, saved by some inventive narration from writer Matt Fraction, who really has a knack for getting inside Emma’s head. The Loki story by Pete Milligan is a bit of stand out, although it largely only teases at events in upcoming Thor issues, making it feel more like a trailer than a story. The standout though is the Doom story by Jonathan Hickman, which gives us a delightful if creepy look into the sorts of things Doom fantasizes about, including world domination, copious murder, and scantily clad ladies. It’s an excellent tale that simply and with very few words sums up Doom and his opinion of his erstwhile colleagues. Of all the stories, it’s also the only one that feels somewhat necessary as this glimpse into Doom’s plans helps explain why he’d bother to associate with Osborne anyway. This story alone is honestly worth the price of admission.

Batman Annual #14

“The Eye of the Beholder”

Cover Price: $2.00
Bargain Price: $0.50
Cover Date: Annual 1990

Every once in a while, the quarter bins will cough up a true forgotten classic. That’s the case with this story from Andy Helfer and Chris Sprouse, who have crafted the best Two-Face story I’ve ever read. It’s basically an origin story that, for the first time, focuses on his life as District Attorney and his eventual decline to Two-Face, with much of the book spent exploring Harvey’s powerful, preexisting split personality a story that has been echoed in both the animated series and in The Dark Knight. We see Harvey as the crusading, but human DA. We revel in his righteousness and regret his loss in a high profile serial murder trial that is easily the best court drama I’ve ever seen in comics, with a terrific villain whose secret informs both Batman and Harvey’s evolutions. As Harvey slowly gives in to his dark side, we truly feel the tragedy at the heart of his origin, a tragedy compounded by a new dynamic between Face and Batman. The Batman in this story is new at the game and very green. He and Gordon are both frustrated at the lack of convictions Batman’s arrests bring, due to lack of evidence. Dent teaches Batman the importance of building a case over time and being able to prove what he knows to jury and not just himself. Dent even advises him on how to do it, helping Bruce take the important step from simple vigilante to the Batman we know and love.

Gargoyles #9

Cover Price: $1.50
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Cover Date: October 1995

For those not in the know, Gargoyles was pretty good cartoon produced for Disney Afternoons. The last of their kind, the Gargoyles have various adventures around modern day New York, where they pal around with a female cop and fight Jonathan Frakes. Unlike a lot of licensed books, this one does a pretty good job of capturing the feel of the show in both story and art. The story focuses on the gargoyles trying to recover an unhatched gargoyle egg from the Chinese mob, and regular series villain Demona, the other last remaining gargoyle who spends most of her time being sexy (for a gray skinned monster) and hating our heroes. It’s a fun and action packed little story, if, expectedly, a little light on character development and consequences. The surprise of the issue, though, and the reason I decided to pick it up, was the art by Amanda Conner, recently of Power Girl fame, whose fun, sexy, cartoony style should be a perfect fit for Gargoyles. Unfortunately, Conner only provided breakdowns for this issue, resulting in a dilution of her signature style that is a little disappointing. Still, it’s more than serviceable art, especially for a nineties licensed comic, and little bits of Conner do shine through, particularly in renderings of Demona and the Triad leader. The Comic Book Database is vague on whether or not Conner does full art for any of the other issues of the series, but I’ll be tracking them down to find out.

Sabrina, the Teen-Age Witch #66

“Zap Flap” “Potion Commotion” “Rabid Robots” “Goal Toll” “Accidental Fun”

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Cover Date: April 1981

Thank you, Sabrina, for restoring my faith in the Archie line and for introducing me to Dick Malmgren. Dick wrote and drew every story in this particular issue, combining a highly enjoyable art style with somewhat atypical stories, many of which eschew a standard three act structure for stories that just suddenly end without wrapping up any story points. Take for example the first story, “Zap Flap,” wherein the head witch depowers Sabrina while on a ski trip for overusing her magic. The story ends with Sabrina and her pal having a grand time snowed in with a pair of hunky boys, unconcerned at the loss of her powers and even failing to have them returned by story’s end. My favorite story in the issue and easily the weirdest for any number of reasons is “Rabid Robots.” Sabrina, her aunt Hilda, also a witch, and some dude go see a Star Wars rip-off movie, the amazingly titled The Empire Flips Out, and decide they need some robots. So Aunt Hilda uses her book of Ancient Robot Incantations (!) to magic up three robots who create havoc. It’s a cute, sometimes funny little story, punctuated by that pair of unbelievable panels, the idea of witches needing (and magically summoning) robots, and, best of all, a simple panel of Sabrina walking down the hall past a framed picture of Dracula. That’s right. Sabrina just happens to have a framed picture of Dracula in her hallway. ‘Nuff said.

The Man of Steel #1

“From out of the Green Dawn”

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Cover Date: October 1986

This issue begins John Byrne’s reimaging of Superman, and, while I mainly enjoyed the issue, there is a lot here that just isn’t my cup of tea, raised as I was on the Superman’s Silver Age iteration. Mainly, I just don’t care for Byrne’s sterile version of Krypton. I simply can’t help but think that making Jor-El and Lara so alien, so much so that Lara is repulsed by a human farmer (irony!) and that the duo doesn’t understand our hu-man concept of love, is a bit of mistake. I feel the same way about presenting little Kal-El as an unborn embryo who isn’t actually “born” until his ship lands on Earth, denying any real emotional connection between the infant and his parents and somewhat undermining the tragedy at the heart of the origin. Oddly, there is also no arguing about the planet’s demise nor any attempt by Jor-El and Lara to flee, even though doing so seems entirely within their power. The scenes on Earth fair better, with Byrne making up for dehumanizing Jor-El and Lara by increasing Jonathan and Martha’s role in the book and by keeping Jonathan alive, itself easily the best change Byrne makes. Otherwise, the issue is almost interminably wordy. Still, the art is great and the issue is overall likeable enough that I think that, now that the controversial origin is out of the way, the rest of the mini aught to be pretty fun.

Final Crisis Aftermath: Run! #6

“Step Six: Stop Running”

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Cover Date: December 2009

Having read the intervening issues, I’m sorry to say that Run fails to live up to its first issue, but only just. As the story progresses, it quickly becomes a tale about the Human Flame’s rather inept quest for power, coupled all along with his penchant for self delusion, particularly among a cadre of DC’s lamest villains, and for carelessly taking advantage of those around him. Still, it’s hard to think of him as truly evil. He does commit horrible, despicable crimes, but he lacks the Machiavellian mindset to seem truly evil. Instead, he’s just kind of a douche, and while that’s pretty entertaining for two or three issues, it does begin to grate a bit by the end. As I hoped, there is no road to redemption for the Flame, but, as I feared, the result is a lead character who becomes increasingly annoying, so much so that writer Matthew Sturges brings in Jon Steward, Firestorm, and Red Tornado to give us heroes to latch onto and through whom we can witness the Flame’s inevitable and slightly ironic end. Still, I’m being perhaps a bit too harsh on the book. Even if it isn’t quite what I wanted, it is still entertaining and wonderfully off kilter with some terrific art from Freddie E. Williams II and, for a quarter, you can’t ask for much more than that.

Secret Origins #10

“Tarry Till I Come Again” “…And Men Shall Call Him Stranger” “Revelations” “Footsteps”

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Cover Date: January 1987

I’ll be honest, The Phantom Strange is one of those characters I love, but whose origin I couldn’t care less about. What makes him interesting is the enigma, a stranger to reader and character alike. Editor Robert Greenberger apparently felt the same way as, when tasked to dedicate an issue of Secret Origins to the Phantom Stranger, he commissioned four unrelated stories, each telling a distinct origin without ever confirming which, if any, was the true one. It’s an intriguing idea from the get go and one that benefits from a dazzling array of talent, including Jim Aparo, Jose Luis Garcia Lopez, Paul Levitz, and Alan Moore. Each story is really solid, with at least three of the four interestingly rooted in Judeo/Christian mythology, including portrayals of the Stranger as both a Lot analog and the Wandering Jew of folklore. Unsurprisingly, though, Moore’s is the most intriguing, thanks to a parallel story in which the Stranger watches a modern Street Angel vigilante fail to choose sides between warring factions of his own association. The segments set in the celestial city are the most interesting, though, particularly a glimpse of the angel Etrigan and a fascinating, even probable explanation for the deformed forms of the fallen angels. The best part, though, is that the story wisely embraces the tone of the whole issue, with Moore only ever implying that the Stranger and the half-fallen angel are one and the same, never stating so explicitly and leaving the story open to interpretation.

Final Crisis Aftermath: Run! #1

“Step One: Make a Lot of Enemies”

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Cover Date: July 2009

Being the Human Flame sucks, although Mike Miller hasn’t realized it yet. An early convert to Libra’s religion of crime in Final Crisis, Miller got his wish of seeing the Martian Manhunter burned alive only to be betrayed and brainwashed. Now, the Final Crisis is over and a restored Miller quickly realizes that he is one of the most wanted men alive, tied as he is to a Justice League founder’s homicide. None of this phases Miller, though, as he is, quite simply, a total jerk and that is easily the best thing about this series. It would be easy to portray Miller as a sympathetic hero, changed by the events of Final Crisis and on a road to redemption. Instead, Matthew Sturges writes Miller as a slovenly loser falsely convinced of his own greatness. Still, there is something likable about this supremely unlikeable character. Perhaps it is the detailed, yet caricature laden style employed by Freddie E. Williams II or perhaps it is his everyman portrayal. I’m very interested to see where Sturges and Williams take the character, especially now that he’s being pursued by the mob (for stealing drug money) and the JLA alike. It seems like the inevitable arc of the story will be for Miller to yet find some redemption, but I’m not sure I hope he will. It might end up getting old, but, for the moment at least, I’m enjoying reading about a completely wretched human being who can shoot fire from his nipples.

Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser #2

“The Circle Curse” and “The Howling Tower”

Cover Price: $4.50
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Cover Date: November 1990

Excepting Hellboy himself, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser may be the perfect characters for Mike Mignola. Mignola’s angular, gothic art and spare, contemplative writing are unlike anything else in comics. Likewise, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, who, before reading this issue, I had known only by reputation, are completely atypical fantasy characters, a towering barbarian and a smaller, rapier-wielding thief, respectively, who speak and act like real people. That said, it’s easy to see how Fafhrd, the Gray Mouser, and Mignola would be a match made in heaven and a combination that made picking up this particular issue very easy. Mignola and Howard Chaykin, who scripted this miniseries, portray the duo as an immensely amiable pair of adventurers, entwined in two stories that in plot and style closely resemble Mignola’s Hellboy work. The first sees our heroes leave the city of Lankhmar following the deaths of their lady loves. They seek new lands and adventures, hoping to forget, but never quite doing so, facing instead a grim, real world reality: they haven’t forgotten, but, as time has passed, their deaths mean less than they once did. The second tale is a more conventional action tale involving a sorcerer and a ghostly pack of wolves. This volume was definitely Mignola at his finest and as satisfying an introduction to these characters as I could have asked for. I’ll certainly be keeping an eye out for the remaining issues (I picked up #1 already) and even for the duo’s prose adventures.

Spider-Man 2099 #1

“Begin the Future History of Spider-Man 2099”

Cover Price: $1.75
Bargain Price: $0.50
Cover Date: November 1992

I’ve been meaning to pick this one up for awhile because I heard that it was the best of the 2099 titles. I also generally like Peter David and artist Rick Leonardi’s work. As a comic, there's a good deal to like here. Leonardi is in top form and his designs for the book are suitably cool and futuristic without becoming campy or seeming too extreme (for a comic book anyway) for the relatively near dateline. I also like that there is very little effort given to tying the 2099 world into Marvel’s then current continuity with even Peter Parker only getting the briefest mention. It would be so easy to make our hero Peter’s descendant or biggest fan or have him transformed by the same equipment that affected Peter all those years ago, but David wisely avoids all of that. The origin is instead entirely original, if a bit too rooted in the nineties. Ambitious scientist Miguel O’Hara is betrayed by employer Alchemax, an omnipresent, evil corporation. First they addict Miguel to a designer drug and then, when he tries to use a gene resequencer to un-addict himself, they splice him with a spider. The origin ultimately takes up the second half of the book, working as a flashback following a pretty exciting action sequence involving Spidey 2099 and some cops on hover bikes. All in all, it’s a solid first issue, but I’m not sure if it was quite engaging enough to get me to seek out the rest of the run.

Booster Gold #32

“Tense Future”

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Cover Date: July 2010

People seem to forget that Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatteis’ JLI was just as much about action and drama as it was about comedy. True, the comedy was a big part of the proceedings, but so were but the intense fights with Desparo, The Grey Man, and the mutated Thunderer as well as personal tragedies, exemplified by Blue Beetle’s brain washing. These were the spine that held that series together and offered a nice, if extreme, counterpoint to the interpersonal comedy the writing duo pioneered in those pages. The resulting mix was what made that series special, not merely one or the other. All that said, as the cover implies, this issue of Booster Gold does certainly have the “Bwa-Ha-Ha,” but it brings the action and drama as well. Booster finds himself in the future, helping a small group of refuge esescape catastrophe on Daxam. Unfortunately, the group runs into the Emerald Empress, leading to a truly excellent action sequence as Booster battles her Emerald Eye, drawing it away from the refugees and figuring that the Empress herself is not as big a threat. Booster’s monolog and his repartee with the refugees is classic Giffen and DeMatteis, but the scene that awaits Booster when he returns from fighting the Eye, revealing how badly he underestimated the Empress, not to mention one of the surviving refugee’s reaction to the aftermath, prove this issue a much closer spiritual successor to the JLI than much of the duo’s other recent efforts.

Jughead #300

“Happy Anniversary”

Cover Price: $0.40
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: May 1980

As with Disney’s duck comics, I have spent pretty much my entire comic reading life ignoring the Archie line. Lately, though, I’ve found myself becoming more and more curious about titles like Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and Josie and the Pussycats in particular. I also find myself increasingly drawn to Dan DeCarlo’s clean line work and very much enjoyed the recent Jughead #200. So, when I saw another Jughead anniversary issue in the quarter bins, I jumped on it, but I wish I hadn’t. This particular issue exemplifies everything bad about Archie comics. The art is almost unbelievably bad with a group of unnamed artists poorly aping the Archie house style with funky anatomy and half-hearted likenesses of many of the main characters. The main problem with the art, though, is the near complete lack of backgrounds, with panel after panel alternating between complete voids and solid color blocks. As for story, the issue contains four: a surprise party for Jughead, Jughead gets dumber when coach puts him on a diet, Archie and Jughead try to walk on a frozen lake, and Reggie challenges Jug to a pool game. Of these, the pool story is the best, but that isn’t saying much. As you can probably tell from the descriptions, these are hardly riveting narratives, with each story full of hackneyed jokes that, by 1980, were forty years past their prime. Still, I’m not ready to give up on Archie, but this issue isn’t doing the line any favors.

Catwoman #1,000,000

“Nine Million Lives”

Cover Price: $1.99
Bargain Price: $0.25
Cover Date: November 1993

DC Comics hates the obsessive compulsive comic book reader, a fact they’ve show with both their #0 tie-ins to Zero Hour and their #1,000,000 tie-ins to Grant Morrison’s DC One Million crossover event. During the month DC One Million came out, every book in DC’s line was numbered 1,000,000, even if it had no particular reason to tie into the JLA-centric story. Enter Catwoman #1,000,000. When I saw this thing in the quarter bin, I thought I’d struck gold: Jim Balent era Catwoman in the far future, with the ridiculous breasts and (God help me) computer cable dreadlock hair? Sign me up. Sadly, the book was both more ridiculous and less ridiculous than I dreamed. The plot, such as it is, focuses on the Catwoman of the future (I was really hoping to see Selina Kyle unnecessarily thrust into the future, but c’est la vie) trying to break into the future Batcave on Pluto for non-future Batman. For 22 pages, she runs around, fighting weird monsters and thrusting various body parts, but, as campy and titillating as that sounds, it’s all just so rote. There is no fun here or any of the winking of the camera that someone like Amanda Conner pulls off effortlessly, just a strange seriousness about things that I can’t imagine ever caring about. Still, whether I like it or not, someone certainly does, as Balent’s been making a living off this very thing for years now, whether Chris Sims wants him to or not.